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Yesterday Parker had another counseling session. I wish I could say it went great, but it didn't. They made puppets and tried to make a story about them. Parker of course wanted to make a Sonic puppet, but started to withdrawal from the activity. He had a slight meltdown when one puppet was larger than his and I'm not really sure what that was all about. The rest of the day after counseling is always rough. It's like his emotions are all out of whack and are right on the edge. So, he had a full crying and screaming tantrum over putting on his shoes. Later that night when we were talking, he mentioned how much he misses his Daddy. The sadness in his voice and the look in his eye was enough to break my heart all over again.

Today was a better day. Not great, but better. We ran some errands this morning and met up with Grandma M for lunch. Yard work was next on the list, and let me tell you I really dislike yard work. Mowing kicked my rump, but it had to be done. It was starting to look like a jungle out there. Tonight Parker was drawing on his glow board and drew a portrait of himself but with tears down his face. He explained that he had the tears because he was sad and missed Daddy. He then told me that I was sad because I missed Daddy too. I tried to explain that I am sad and it's okay to be sad and it's also okay to cry because we are sad and because we miss Daddy. We read the book, A Terrible Thing Happened tonight, which was given to us by Mr. Brad, his counselor. He sat very still and seemed to take it all in. He didn't have much to say and didn't want to talk about the book after we finished it. I'm going to try to talk to him about it tomorrow and see where that gets us.

Watching Parker go through all this has been the hardest thing that I have been through. My heart breaks for him every single day. It is so hard to watch your baby hurt and not be able to help. At time I feel helpless and so inadequate. I pray every night that God will show me how to help Parker and that He will ease my sweet boys pain and heart ache. I have to believe that we will be okay in the end. I know we are forever changed but, I have hope that we will find our way.