New House

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Today was the final walk through for our soon to be new home. Tomorrow is the closing and it will be official. I have been asked a billion and ten times if I am excited. I smile and nod my head all while my heart breaks into even smaller pieces. I want to shout that NO, I am not excited. That I absolutely hate the fact that we are moving without TJ. That this wasn't the plan. I know the only reason we are moving is because of TJ's passing. I feel so incredibly guilty. It feels as if Parker and I have gotten the opportunity to have a house that will suite us well in exchange for the one that meant and means the most to us. I would give anything to have TJ back, but I know that it's not possible.

I know that given our circumstances, moving will be what's best for us, especially in the long run. I know that we are suppose to be where we are going. And I know the house that we will soon call home, is one that TJ would have loved. The basement would have been his "ManCave". He talked about owning a house so much. It was a dream of his. He couldn't wait to have a place to call his own and have house projects to work on. It just all seems so unfair. I know all of these things, but my heart just can't stop aching.

Tomorrow, I will go sign my papers and accept my keys. I will try to smile and make this an exciting time for our sweet Parker. I will try to make this new house our home. And I will do what TJ and I always dreamed. I will make a special place for our little boy to grow up in. A place with good memories and a new safe haven.