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As I begin my last infusion of the day, I am listening to Pandora internet radio. The music is comforting my soul and I don't feel as far from family. Kenny G brings memories of Chicago Christmases.
I think this is the slowest I've ever taken life. I am at peace knowing I am doing the best I can to give my body it's best chance to fight this disease. My liver enzymes were better this week and my picc site looks great. I am exhausted from the treatments, but I am not fighting it. Just sleeping and setting alarms when needed. A bit of knitting here and there. I don't think I'll be home for Christmas, but it will still be special because of the gift of the chance to beat this disease.
The hardest part of treatment isn't the fatigue or physical pain of the herx reactions. It is letting go of the regret of lost moments. Kids grow so fast. Chris called on Skype so I could see the new haircut our 12 year old gave him. She did a nice job! I smile knowing that when the going gets tough, my family will be able to handle just about anything.
Rosemary scents the room, a tiny "tree" from my daughters. It makes me smile.
Wishing you peace this holiday season.
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